I strongly suggest reading this while the music is playing. I do it on purpose and it helps you get in the mood.
The Event Company Tents are 5-0 in the playoffs. After dispatching the Elks in a first round sweep, which was capped off by a scintillating shootout, your favorite protectors from the elements have defeated the Beer Mugs in two straight. Here are your need to knows from games 1 and 2.
Game One: Tents beat Mugs 4-3
It was a special night at the Tank. Fans lined up for hours in anticipation to watch their Favorite team take on the Beer Mugs. Over 30 fans packed the Tank to take in the heart pounding action. Just kidding they were there for Free Fireball and Gambling on the 50/50 raffle and there just so happened to be a Championship hockey game being played. I really dont remember too much other than these few points.
1. The Line of Michael Russo, Paul Russo and Brett Biondo are really, really good. If my memory serves me correctly they accounted for two of our four goals.
2. Garrett Webb with the power move to the front of the net and banged it home with a flourish.
At this point I think we were up 3-1 at the end of two periods and were feeling really good about ourselves. This is where I am obligated to mention that our third periods have been very Non-Bruins like. Like we suck. Our third period goal differential in the playoffs HAS TO BE at least -10. Desperation works wonders for teams playing for their playoff lives. (Foreshadowing for game two, I'm really good at that.)
One second I just remembered something....
Rewind to before the game. For some reason that I have no good explanation for other than I like to give my money away. I told Tent Hockey Forward Andrew "Gargoyle" (Yes he has that name on his GHS Hockey Bag) Fulford that if he scored the game winning goal I would buy him a thirty pack of beers. Again, I am dumb and like to give my money away. So Andrew goes out and scores this beauty of a top titty goal and were up 4-1 I think. No big deal right? WRONG. We give up two goals to make it 4-3 and Fulford gets the game winner. Fuck me.
3. I played well.
End result: Tents Lead Championship Series 1-0.
Game Two: Tent Beat Mugs 5-4 in OT
What a fucking game. The fans were back wearing shirts made with love by ERECTION and donated by Palazolla's. I think. I'm not going to tell you what the slogan on the back says because its rated PG-13. But anyways the Tank was ready to go. I cant remember who scored goals one and two for us (I think Biondo scored one of them) because I was so caught up in explaining to the Mugs players who were insistent on having a wiener measuring contest to show how tough they are that I would gladly compare mine to theirs and win.
Point is that the Mugs will want to kill you one shift and the very next shift they will genuinely ask you how your family is doing and politely request for you to enjoy your holiday. It is very interesting.
At this point the Tents are up 2-0 in game 2.
Next thing we know were down 3-2 Todd's foreshadowing worked BRILLIANTLY. We became the desperate team. Someone scored for us (Fulford?) and we tie it up 3-3. A Bad pinch then leads to the Beer Mugs scoring the go ahead goal to make it 4-3 with a little over 3 minutes to play. For two mascots that are inanimate and were not manufactured with reproductive organs, We found out that IF these objects were to have them, Tents had larger kajones than Beer Mugs in the waning minutes of game two. Todd had a brilliant assist on our game tying goal. Again, for some reason I have no clue who scored for us because I was too busy showboating nowhere near our team goal celebration. (Dont worry I remember who scored the GWG) and the game heads into overtime.
If the song is over at this point. Restart it. This is the best part.
Over time starts. Various plays were made by both teams with no consequences. Then all of a sudden..... Todd makes a great play along the boards to stop this dude named Harry from getting possesion and breaking up the ice (side note I think I broke his back by trying to push him over the boards into his bench, if not he got a great chiropractic session free of charge.) The Tents regain possession and send little Michael Russo up the ice. He dangles around two cones (Beer Mug defensemen) and score a game winning beauty and TENTS WIN! TENTS WIN!
End Result: Tents Lead Championship Series 2-0.
Go Tents, Go Bruins. This is how we do it.
OH SNAP I ALMOST FORGOT! A BIG Congratulations to Tent Hockey goaltender Derric Souza and his wife Melissa on their marriage! We expect Souza back for Game three after his honeymoon is spent watching film on the Mugs after one of their daddies filmed their games. Big ups to the Souza's.
The End.
****Editors note****
Reader feedback is concerned with the amount of shameless self promotion I use. So to bring us closer to the mean I made a few bad passes in the first period that the Mugs baited me into. The trap is frustrating and my outlet passes were getting blocked or picked off. I adapted and prevailed, however.
