Richard, Tents Double Up Gulls 10-5

 Great Semifinal Action at the Tank Ieri Sera.

Game one saw the Tents put on an offensive clinic notching their first double digit goal total against the Gulls who were without their starting Goaltender Brady Kain.

Tents sniper Mike Richard scored 5 goals and was a post short of pulling off the double hat trick. Norman "Mike" MacFarland tallied a pair using a game used Loui Erikkson stick and Michael "I refuse to shoot the puck in the slot" Russo rounded out the scoring with two of his own goals even though he drew the ire of his teammates for being too unselfish. One goal is unaccounted for.

Mr. Toe Drag scored a couple for the Gulls, who kept it close for the first two periods until the Tents pulled away in the third.

I provided the world with the newest "Worst turnover in the history of the world." In the second period, Fulford won the defensive zone faceoff directly to Salah, who fed myself below the goal line. Instead of A. Moving my feet or B. wrapping a pass along the boards, I chose option C. Trying to pass the puck cross ice through the slot to Norm. Obviously the pass was picked off and the Gulls forward scored. A well deserved fate for a most heinous turnover.

However, later in the second, Gulls Captain Kyle Irving and a teammate were bearing down on a two on one. In penance for my sins, I sacrificed life and limb to break up the pass and dove to the ice. Irving sauced a pass directly into my temple, leaving me at the very least dazed and confused. I was placed in concussion protocol and did not see the ice for the remainder of the game.

The Tents honored my heroic sacrifice and put the "Hamor" down in the third. Sealing the game one victory.

Kings 3 - Mugs (0)

Derric Discotti scored twice and Uncle Jerry Ciarametaro added a tally to pace the 9 man Kings past the 12 man Mugs in Game One.

Enjoy your Easter you Jesus Freaks.  

Tents Sweep Weekend Set with Masons, Clinch First Place.

After 18 Games of hard hitting, heart pounding, cant miss action.... The Tents are your 2015-2016 CAHL Regular Season Champions. The Tents did not make it easy on themselves down the stretch, but they hung tough and got all four points this weekend vs. a Masons team that was playing out the string.

Prior to this Weekends games, The Mugs commanded a one point lead in the overall standings with one game to play against the Kings. The Tents needed three out of four points to clinch while leaning on late season call up goaltender Eric Schlichte, who was playing in his first real game action in over 3 years.

Game One, Saturday, 6 PM. Tents 6 - Masons 2.

This game was weird. The Masons only had 5 players. That means the only rest these men received was the two intermissions. They played admirably, giving the Tents all they could handle, even outscoring them in the third period. To pay homage to their heroic effort, lets take a look at what would happen if Todd had to play 36 minutes in one game.....

Minute 3: This is weird, I need a break. I am supposed to change out. That was written into my contract.

Minute 6: WATER! Can someone find me some oxygen?!?!

Minute 9: My legs feel like Jello, mmmmmmmm Jello.

Minute 12: Intermission, Thank GOD. Let me Just lay down for a second....

Minute 15: Ok, this is torture... They really expect me to move?

Minute 18: What did I do to deserve this, God? I swear I didnt mean to target those small Gulls players on purpose. Karma is for real.

Minute 21: Laments the fact that he never really used that gym membership.

Minute 24: Intermission, calls life insurance company to make sure beneficiary information is complete.

Minute 27: Tries to convince his teammates to play a man down just for a minute or two.

Minute 30: Blurry vision, this is new.

Minute 33:

Minute 36: Wakes up after someone used the defibrillator to revive me. JD is holding out the phone asking "Does anyone want to call 911?"

So yeah, props to the five Masons for doing what I call my own personal nightmare. Not only did they survive, but they played well. Touche. (Begins McDonalds boycott).

****

At this moment the Tents are in first place. One point ahead of those Goddamn Mugs with each having one game to play. Those Goddamn Mugs proved victorious in their game against the Kings. A 4-3 overtime victory. Good for you guys. I'm happy for you. Those Goddamn Mugs reclaimed first. The Tents needed to gain one point in the regular season finale.

Tents 6 - Masons 2, again.

This time the Masons had a full team. They unleashed their secret weapon, Jason Brooks at Center. That proved inconsequential because the Tents led wire to wire, with the MacFarland - Russo - Sousa line grinding the fuck out of the Masons, each potting a goal. Jack Doyle had an impressive effort with a sweet wraparound. I think BLU scored. I cant account for the last goal, Biondo maybe? Michael Russo? Eric Schlichte posted a 2.00 GAA over the weekend, which is admirable in this league. Thanks Sieve!

Anyways, Tents clinched the regular season title, which means SHIT. But it feels nice so back off.

Playoffs start next week.

Kings vs. Mugs
Tents vs. Gulls

Sounds like a party.

Hey Parsons, I have a green jersey, I loaned it to my brother who does not have one. I choose to wear the throwback off colored uniform because I like them. If someone on the Tents has to wear a different jersey than the rest, It might as well be me.

Tents lose Three out of Four, Fall to Mugs 4-3

In a late season matchup with first place on the line, the Mugs and Tents squared off in quite the matchup.

More docile in their older age, the Mugs surprised all in attendance with their play jumping out to a quick 1-0 lead after a bad change and subsequent turnover by the Tents.

Former Best Looking Underclassmen Thomas Jason Salah said "Fuck those Goddamn Mugs" and potted two beauties on the same shift to stake the Tents to a 2-1 lead after one period of scintillating action.

The second period happened. 3-2 Mugs.

The third period got underway with some artistic scoring by the Salah - Fulford - Richards trio potting their third goal of the game. The Doyle brothers (while playing effective defense) road their coattails on the offensive side of the game.

Side note: I was shooting absolute missiles but I missed the net nearly every time. Donny Lowe would have had a stroke if he was in attendace... his teeth would have fallen out from yelling at me so often.

Some jerkoff Mug scored with four minutes remaining to seal the game and achieve first place for the Mugs after this week.

Im going to the gym at least once this week in preparation for the playoffs. Watch out.

As it stands, Those Goddamn Mugs hold a one point lead in the standing over the Tents with the tents holding one game in hand. Thus, if the Tents win out their two game set with the Masons this weekend, they sew up first place and a first round matchup vs. The Gulls with the Mugs facing the Kings.

The Masons and Elks have been eliminated and will play out the string with pride and integrity.

Former Sperm Whales goaltender Eric Peter Schlichte will be making his second and third ever CAHL starts in place of Derric Souza. After collectively bargaining a six pack per win and 12 pack per shut out as compensation for this weekends games, Schlichte was inked to the two day contract. If he fails to win, were gonna stick his ass on a bus back to Boston.


Hey Red Pants, we all work, Not just you. You are just like the rest of us.


"Au Revoir, Have a good game." - Patrice's mother.